WTF Hollywood?!?

I have been in the movie exhibition industry for nearly 24 years. When I was a child, my family made it a nearly weekly outing to see a movie at the drive-in (another blog coming on that). Movies are in my blood. I know the business inside and out. I have seen its ups and downs over the 4 decades I have graced this planet. The business has always been cyclical and we are most definitely in one of its downs.

For the past 2 ½ decades I have been in the business, I have seen some mild and radical dips and spikes in the business. This year started off spectacular coming off a mega holiday season. Before everybody says "Oh, the economy must be taking its toll on you.", I say stop right there. The business is pretty much recession and depression proof. During the greatest economic downturns in our country, Americans have flocked to the theatre in its highest numbers. People like the escape. This fall, the economy was in the toilet. Let me also cut a few of you off before you say "But the prices ARE too high.." and blah blah blah. It has ALWAYS been that way and it will never change. Going OUT to see a movie is THE cheapest form of entertainment you can get for you dollar. All other activities out of the house cost more.

Other things can have an effect on us like sporting events, holidays, school schedules, news events and etc. These things can cause positive and negative attendance changes. However, the biggest thing that is negatively impacting us right now is Hollywood themselves. They are screwing the pooch and they didn't even give Fido any Astroglide. Poor dog. Let me give you some example of what I am referring to…

1. Product. This is probably the biggest contributor to the problems. Hollywood has always made stinkers and always will. It is a good business model for them. However, this summer, the product is just plain wrong. SEX IN THE CITY 2…who want to look at a horse for more than 2 hours and have the presenters try to make you think it is sexy? OK, maybe Broderick. He must be blind and getting great head. ROBIN HOOD…we have seen it before. Move along. SHREK 4…wasn't 3 bad enough. THE KARATE KID…did this REALLY need to be remade? I could go on and on, but in short, nobody wants to see this tripe. The producers thought all of you "sheep" would play into the name recognition. Well, it did not work.

2. Timing / Release dates. This one really can sink or swim a title. However some really bone headed moves were made. If I were a studio head, I would be looking for blood for the mistakes made this summer for releases. IRON MAN 2…first week in May. Really Paramount? That was a Memorial Day release if I ever saw one. That leads me to SEX IN THE CITY 2…why in the hell did WB release that shitty movie on Memorial Day. That weekend is notorious for the big summer extravaganza flicks. Instead WB puts up a flick with 4 pre-menopausal women traipsing through the fucking desert. Whores. SHREK 4…mid-May release. Again, another stupid move by Paramount. All the smart studios release the big family flicks on MAJOR holiday weekends and in June (see: Disney). Why? BECAUSE SCHOOL IS OUT STUPID!

3. 3D. While I do love 3D, it is being over done and done BADLY. Just because AVATAR beat the shit out of EVERYBODY during its run in theatres does not mean shitty movies in 3D will sell. That has not stopped Hollywood cranking out more 3D movies than ever. The reason AVATAR did so well was because of if the tech behind that flick (native shot 3D) and the fact that Cameron can put out a decent movie. The two together was win-win. This brings me to the next part of this 3D rant. Disney saw dollar signs from AVATAR and rushed to do a conversion on ALICE IN WONDERLAND. Decent flick but what a shitty conversion. It truly looked like shit…but it made a boatload of cash. WB saw that and pushed to have CLASH OF THE TITANS converted. FAIL. It looked like a bad View Master. They might as well have done an anaglyph conversion (red/blue glasses). Now Paramount is rushing out to do the same to THE LAST AIRBENDER. That will probably suck too.

Come on Hollywood, get your head out of your asses and start doing what you know actually works. I plead with you, please do the following…

1. Make a few more decent movies. Every script does not need to be green lit.

2. YOU KNOW WHAT WORKS. Don't' fuck with your release schedule. Stick to what has worked over the decades.

3. Back off on the 3D. Putting too much product out in 3D just makes it lose it luster…no longer special. Also, if you are going to do 3D, SHOOT IT NATIVELY in 3D. Cut it out with the conversion. 50% of those have been totally botched and look like a bucket of shit.

Pretty please, with sugar on top…get with the fucking program Hollywood or you will find yourselves losing out on even more ticket sales.